Oh no she di'int!!!

Erm, where's your hand Rupert?

Well well well, there’s scandal in our midst again as the big news in Hollywood is that Kristen Stewart has cheated on Robert Pattinson! Yes, the Hollywood ‘actress’ has done the dirty on her Twilight co star with the director of her latest movie ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’, Rupert Sanders. Oh my god, I hear you cry! Probably not over the fact that she cheated, but the fact that she managed to seduce another male! I mean, come on, she’s hardly the most alluring woman is she? With her face constantly looking like she’s just been slapped, I find it surprising that any fella would fall for her, but hey ho that’s just my opinion. 

However, given the fact that Kristen is just like her Twilight character Bella Swan, I can probably work out why she has two men fighting over her. She probably managed to entice Rob and Rupert in the same way as Bella managed to capture both Edward and Jacob’s hearts, and that is this:

• Mumbling incoherently and not stringing a full sentence together
• Shuffling her feet and staring at her hands, the floor, the sky, a wall etc
• Shrugging her shoulders and tucking her hair behind her ears
• Not listening to people or heeding advice, and thus putting herself and others in danger
• Isolating her friends and being weird with her father
• Being over-sensitive, moody, silly and downright annoying
• Not being attracted to normal, boy-next-door, average Joe guys

Hmmm, Kristen/Bella sounds rather familiar... a certain Anastasia Steele comes to mind, no? (Ladies, don’t even bother deny you know who I’m talking about you dirty buggers!)

Still, Kristen is very sorry for her actions and issued this grovelling statement: 

"I am deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardised the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry."

Yes, very moving Kris, and very kind of you to actually acknowledge that you were in a relationship- it’s only been 3 years! Kristen has even offered to write a letter to Rupert Sanders wife, Liberty Ross and Sanders himself has issued a statement apologising for his actions.

But that isn’t enough for our Rob! The hunk (not my words) apparently wants to meet Rupert face-to-face to discuss what really happened with Kristen. Discuss? Yeah right! We all know you to want to use your vampire powers and open a can of whoop-ass on his butt! (Here’s hoping that Rupert Sanders possesses some kind of secret power or is an undercover wizard or merman- then that’ll make an interesting fight!)

Jokes aside, we have to think of the people that really matter the most in situations like this. The ones who will be heavily affected both mentally and emotionally from the fall-out of this shocking affair...

A suitably dramatic pic for the scandalous events

Yes, I am talking about poor Taylor Lautner! What’s the poor love going to do now? As if it wasn’t hard enough standing next to them when they were a lovey-dovey couple (ok, not so much but they probably whispered naughty, sexual things to each other whilst Taylor was in ear-shot) but now he has to put up with them when they’ll be at logger heads. I can imagine it now:

Robert: Taylor, tell Kristen to move her big head out the way, she’s stopping the cameras from capturing my best side.

Taylor: Kristen, Robert said can you move your big head out the way...

Kristen: Taylor, tell Robert to quit whinging. I’m the biggest star now, not him! Now I’ve had a scandalous affair, the roles will be pouring in and I can play any moody, incoherent, socially inept, self-conscious miserable teenage girl I want!

Taylor: Robert, Kristen said to stop whinging...

Yep, I bet he can wait for the Breaking Dawn: Part 2 promotional tour to start!

Jodie marsh and Kirk Norcross dating? WTF!

The happy couple: Kirk and Jodie

Yes, that’s the headline I gave this because quite frankly that’s exactly what I thought! Ex TOWIE star Kirk Norcross and glamour girl come body builder Jodie Marsh has apparently been dating and seem smitten with each other. What on earth possessed these two to get together?? Perhaps they were attracted to each other through their shared love of tattoos? Or their passion for hometown Essex? Maybe they chatted about appearing on Celebrity Big Brother?  Or is it that they bonded by swapping notes about their nose surgery?

Whatever brought them together, it does seem like an odd pairing. Mind you, anyone that Jodie dates does seem like an odd choice. Remember Kenzie from Blazin’ Squad? (I’ll give you a second to recall)

(And now I’ll give you another second to remember their ‘hit’ song... you know what it is... ‘see you at the crossroads crossroads crossroads’...there you go!)

Groping on the first date? How romantic!

Apparently even though the reality ‘stars’ have only been dating for about a week, they’ve been very open about their relationship from the beginning, even live tweeting throughout their first date! How romantic! During the evening in which Kirk splashed out and treated Jodie to a DVD on the sofa, the two kept their followers in the loop by tweeting and posting pictures. 

Jodie tweeted: ‘Right nobody disturb us. Me and @kirk_official are having a spooning session on the sofa with a film. We're too tired to go out.'

Meanwhile Kirk posted a similar message: ‘Having a spooning session with @JodieMarsh watching a film! #MmmmNice did someone say #50ShadesOfKirk ;-).'

Jodie also took the opportunity to reveal that she had seen her new man naked, although she did later insist that they had not slept together as she has been celibate for a year, she tweeted ‘Had the funniest day ever. Seen @kirk_official stark naked today. What a treat that was ‪#hunglikeadonkey x x x’ How sweet.

Looks like Jodie has found the Mr. Grey to her Miss Steele. I give it 3 months.

In other celebrity news:

• There’s another baby boom in celebville. Kourtney Kardashian has given birth to her first daughter Penelope Scotland Disick. Congratulations Kourtney, Scot and little Mason! 
• Adele and Lily Allen have also announced that their preggers. Adele is expecting her first child with boyfriend Simon Konecki (apparently she’s due in 2 months- wtf!) and Lily Allen is expecting her second child with husband Sam Cooper less than a year after having baby Ethel (hopefully she’ll think of a better name this time round!)
• Chantelle Houghton and Alex Reid are still yet to name their daughter who was born 3 weeks ago! Why don’t they just name her ‘Roxanne’ and be done with it, you know they want to!
• Nick Grimshaw is set to replace Chris Moyles as host of Radio 1’s breakfast show and I’m not happy! Not because I dislike 'Grimmers', it’s because Chris will now start thinking that he can continue to move into television. Er, no thanks! Haven’t you heard of the phrase ‘face for radio?’
• Kris and Bruce Jenner’s marriage appears to be on the rocks as it has emerged that Kris has been in contact with the man who helped end her first marriage. Kris had an affair with Todd Waterman over 20 years ago whilst she was still married to Robert Kardashian (the older, now deceased one not her son!), and the pair have recently been in touch via flirty emails and texts. But now Bruce has found out and is now furious at his wife, and so he should be! Watch this space! 

And because I'm sooo nice, for those of you who still don't know who Blazin' Squad is (tut tut), here's their biggest hit Crossroads! I know, I know, I'm great...

Moody Spice!

All grown up: Is that a smile Victoria?

Last week saw fans rejoice after the Spice Girls reunited for the press launch of their new musical, Viva Forever. Journalists and other important looking people with clipboards gathered in the St Pancreas Hotel (where if you’re a true fan you would know that this was the setting for their very first song Wannabe) where all five of the girls gathered together first time in ages to talk about their brand new venture. It should have been a momentous and happy occasion with lots of smiles and air kisses, but there seemed to be one problem- Victoria Beckham!

Yes, as ever posh spice stood there as if she simultaneously had a gun to her head, was chewing a wasp and had a rather uncomfortable wedgie! Now I know that her pout has become her trademark and when she’s showing off her latest designs to the fashion elite a scowl is acceptable, but when it comes to the fans, she could have at least flashed a smile! I mean, just a tiny one! And before you go on about how I hate on Victoria, I’ll have you know that she (as well as Emma) was my favourite Spice Girl! But over the years, as I’ve grown up I’ve realised that Victoria doesn’t seem to be grateful to the people who made her who she was in the first place. 

Back in the glory days

Take the Spice Girls reunion back in 2007. I along with countless others was super excited to see my favourite girl band back together and I spent my hard-earned cash to go and see them in concert. I was having such a great time singing along to all the old classics, but when it came to the solo stuff I was a bit disappointed. All the other girls sang one of their individual hits (actually Mel B did a Lenny Kravitz cover, but you get my drift), apart from Victoria. Instead Victoria put on her famous pout and strutted down a mock runway amidst a crowd of ‘papz’ and then disappeared off stage! It was literally a blink and you’ll miss it moment. It was such a disappointment. Now I know she’s not the greatest of singers and she knows this too, but on the other hand we know that Geri isn’t particularly talented in that area, but she still took the bull by the horn and belted out a lively version of her hit ‘Look at me.’ Oh how I wished posh had had the guts to get up on that stage and sing a solo track, ‘Out of your mind’ perhaps? I’m pretty sure that Dane Bowers would have jumped at the chance to crawl out of the woodwork and mime along to that track again!

We all know that Victoria is now known for her fashion, and what a sterling job she is doing of that. But she must realise that the Spice Girls is in her roots, and as much as she tries to forget, we never will! It wouldn’t have taken much to join in with the banter and joke along with the other girls- basically look like you wanted to be there! And what a let down that she never stayed and was whisked away within minutes of getting off the stage. Let’s just hope she cheers up in time for the musical’s launch at the end of the year. 

So come on Vic, who do you think you are? Don’t say you’ll be there and then act like you don’t wannabe a part of it! You’ve got to stop with this attitude or you’ll be making headlines for the wrong reasons! Is that too much to ask? You just need to holler at your girls, they’ll spice up your life and make you happy again! So say goodbye to those blues and remember, viva forever! 

And for your viewing and listening pleasure, here is my fave Spice Girls song- Say you'll be there. Enjoy! xxx

Wedding Fever!

Its wedding fever in celebville this week! Not only has Liverpool babe Danielle Lloyd tied the knot with her footballer beau Jamie O’Hara yesterday, but Hollyoaks star Gemma Merna is set to walk down the aisle today! And if that wasn’t enough to get you weeping into your confetti, Una and Rochelle from The Saturdays went on one hell of a bender for their join hen do! Phew!

The happy couple

Let’s start with Danielle Lloyd, who yesterday became Mrs. O’Hara after marrying Wolverhampton midfielder Jamie O’Hara in a star studded ceremony. Well, when I say star studded, I mean the usual trawl of Z- listers including everyone’s favourite ex-wag and professional hanger-on Lizzie Cundy and Katie Price’s shadow Phil Turner. Other showbizzy guests included Nicola McLean, her arch-rival Katie Price, Amy Childs, Michelle Heaton, Cara Kilbey and Lydia Bright. 

Danielle and Jamie wed at Syon Park in Brentford, South West London but there have been no snaps of the couple as yet, this is probably because they are saving their pictures for a glossy photo shoot with a certain glossy magazine. Lovely. Still, the wedding comes as a nice change for the couple who in the past have had some hardships including the premature birth of their second son Harry and Danielle’s troubles with her breast implants. Let’s hope married life goes swimmingly for them.

The bride-to-be and her cast mates

Also about to walk down the aisle is Hollyoaks star Gemma Merna who plays ditzy blonde Carmel McQueen in the soap. As she’s only getting married to long-term love Ian Minton today, there is not much detail. But, the bride and her co-stars have been spotted in a Merseyside beauty salon getting pampered before the big occasion. Spotted sipping champers through the shop window were Gemma and her on-screen family including Nicole Barber Lane (Myra), Leah Hackett (the late Tina), and Jorgie Porter (Teresa).  Jennifer Metcalfe who plays serial slapper Mercedes was also there, but the McQueen clan seemed incomplete with the absence of Claire Cooper and Holly-Jay Bowes who play Jacqui and Michaela. Perhaps they’ll be rocking up to the ceremony later.  Good luck to Gemma and Ian!

The blushing brides! (Wenn pictures)

It may be Sunday, but the Saturdays are certainly all fired up for their upcoming nuptials! Una and Rochelle took to the streets of London in all their tacky hen do finery as they celebrated their last few weeks of freedom with their fellow band mates, Georgina Dorsett from TOWIE and a very tiny looking Myleene Klass. They may be classy girls, but Una and Rochelle didn’t shy away from the traditional hen do attire and adorned themselves with a mixture of veils, L-plates, garters, shot-glasses and feather boas. Unfortunately for them, there seemed to be no phallic-shaped merchandise about but there was a Marvin shaped mask doing the rounds for some reason.  As if Rochelle was likely to forget she was marrying the JLS hunk, his face loomed over proceedings as the girls got hammered in various hotspots including The Rose Club in Marylebone.

With Una marrying rugby star Ben Foden at the end of June and Rochelle marrying Marvin Humes in July, expect some serious dress envy and of course husband envy because Ben and Marv are hardly your average Joe’s you know! Congrats girls! X

If you're still in the wedding mood, here's a classic from Busted with Crash the Wedding. 

"It's over! It's just me, my baby and the paparazzi!"

I’m baaaaack!! I’ve taken a few weeks away from blogging to concentrate on other stuff, but I’m back now and here to stay! So what’s been happening since I’ve been away? Well lots as it seems!

Let’s start with the rumours that Chantelle Houghton has walked out on fiancé Alex Reid just weeks before giving birth! The former Big Brother star, who is 8 months pregnant, has apparently moved out of the home she shares with Alex and back to her old flat in Essex. Chantelle has told her new magazine column:

‘You might have read reports saying that I am sleeping at my flat while Alex has been at our house.

“This is true and I have very good reason for that but I don’t want to go into any more detail because it’s extremely raw right now.

'Oh haha, look how happy we are!'

“It’s been a really upsetting and difficult week for me and not the best thing to have to go through when I’m so close to having the baby.”

Ooh I say! Alex must’ve done something really awful to make her move out so close to giving birth! Perhaps his alter-ego Roxanne has reared her ugly head again? Or maybe the ‘cage fighter’ keeps on whispering Katie Price’s name in his sleep? Or was it that Chantelle was simply horrified when he gave her a sneak preview of his performance in ‘Wildboyz.’?  Whatever it is, no doubt the fame-hungry reality junkies will sell their stories to a magazine or newspaper and recount how horrible their life is. Then they’ll probably get back together (sell this story), have the baby and show of the baby pics in another magazine interview. And they’ll all live happily ever after. The end.

'I'm a singing expert, let me judge you!'

Moving on, I’m hearing reports that Geri Haliwell is set to be a guest judge on the X Factor until they find a permanent judge. Geri Halliwell? Are they serious? And get this, if she makes a good impression, they may make her a permanent fixture. What! I’m sorry, but (with the exception of Posh who just hummed the chorus); Geri was the worse singer in the Spice Girls. And before you go hating on me, I was the biggest Spice Girls fan. Seen them live, watched the 'movie’ and got the t shirt, and the dress, and the unofficial biography.

Of all the talented people in the music industry, surely Simon could have roped in someone more exciting than Geri? Aah well, let’s give her a chance and she how she does when auditions begin on Wednesday. 

Meanwhile, in more X Factor news Dannii Minogue has turned down an offer of £1 million to return to the judging panel. Check her! Oh, and Simon has appointed Britney Spears and Demi Lovato as the new judges for the X Factor USA. That should be interesting. Excuse me while I Google Demi Lovato…

'Were like totally best friends!'

Meanwhile the ‘worlds sexiest woman’ (seriously?) Tulisa has been involved in an altercation at Glasgow airport in which her friend and PA Gareth Varey was allegedly head butted. According to reports, Tulisa and Gareth were in WH Smith at the airport when Tulisa spotted an unflattering picture of her in a magazine and then started complaining loudly. A customer interjected and made a derogatory remark about the star, an argument broke out and the result was 21-year-old Gareth getting head butted! Wow, that’s more exciting than an episode of Airline!

 Apparently, Gareth defended his pal by saying something along the lines of ‘don’t you know who you are talking to?’ Ha! I would have head butted him for that too! Anyways to cut a too long story short, Gareth and the other person were questioned by the police, Tulisa tried her best to diffuse the row, the row ended, they got on their flight, and the police broke out into a rendition of Tulisa’s new tune ‘Young’. Ok, I made that last one up, but we can still dream.

And lastly, to end on a positive note can I say big congratulations to Tom from McFly who married his childhood sweetheart Giovanna last week! And also to Harry from McFly who popped the question to girlfriend Izzy. All together now, aaaaw!!!

Hate to say I told you so!

A woman scorned

Ok, so I didn’t tell her, but I knew it would happen! Allegations have emerged that footballer Jermain Defoe has cheated on girlfriend Alexandra Burke. And if these allegations are true, I can’t say I’m  entirely surprised. After all, Jermain Defoe doesn’t exactly have a good track record with commitment does he? The lothario is more famous for showing off his ball skills in the bedroom rather than the pitch and has somehow manage to lure such intellectual beauties such as Charlotte Mears (Google her if you don’t know), Danielle Lloyd and everyone’s favourite home-wrecker; Imogen Thomas. 

To be honest, I was rather surprised when I heard he was going out with Alexandra, after all she does have talent and a proper career as opposed to his previous conquests. I thought perhaps things may be different this time as Alex may have been able to provide Jermaine with some stimulating conversation to keep him engaged for more than five minutes. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be! One flash of skirt and a whiff of cheap perfume and he’s off like a dog chasing a bone! Sorry Alex, it looks like your gonna have to change your taste in men, because this is what happens when you go with a bad boy!

Third time lucky for Katie?

Who’s gonna take Katie up the aisle? Well it seems like Leandro Penna is the man for the job as he’s only gone and proposed to girlfriend Katie Price! The glamour model, who last year claimed she’ll never marry again after the breakdown of her second marriage, has seemingly changed her mind and accepted her Argentinean toy boy’s proposal. This will make Leandro Katie’s third husband as she was formerly wed to ‘singer’ Peter Andre and ‘cagefighter’ Alex Reid. I’m sure Katie’s really excited to get wed again, but surely she can’t top her fairytale, gypsy-like wedding to Pete? Or even be able to emulate the romance of eloping to Las Vegas to marry Alex.

 She should justbe done with it and have a quickie in Gretna Green registry offices followed by a slap-up meal at Toby Carvery. At least their first dance will be great as the couple is set to appear on Argentina’s version of Strictly Come Dancing. Just one thing Katie, you’ve got that small matter of divorcing Alex first!

Also this week:

• Delusion alert! Ever since her suspension from TOWIE last week, Lauren Goodger has been lying low. But behind closed doors it’s emerged that Lauren has been counting column inches as- get this- she believes that she is as famous as Jordan or even Cheryl Cole! Wow, looks like that TOWIE fame has gone to her head. Maybe a break from the show will do her good!
• The claws are out! Apparently Beyoncé does not approve of Kanye West’s relationship with reality star Kim Kardashian. The ‘Love on top’singer is allegedly unimpressed by Kim’s sex-tape past and dalliances with other men. The conservative star, who is married to Jay-Z, has told in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t want Kim hanging around in her exclusive circle! Well, it looks like Kim has got some even better mates as only last week, she was having dinner with the president!
• Hold the front page- Jessica Simpson has finally given birth! After what seems to have been forever, the singer revealed on her website that she has given birth to a girl called Maxwell Drew Johnson. The baby weighed an enormous 9lb, 13oz- no wonder jess looked as big as a house! Nonetheless, congratulations Eric and Jessica!
• Cat fight! Jenny Frost has let slip that any potential Atomic Kitten reunions will take place without Kerry Katona. Jenny, who replaced Kerry in the band in 2001, has said ‘I don't want to be derogatory about Kerry, but there shouldn't be four of us in Atomic Kitten’. This remark is a far cry from what she said about Kerry a few years back, stating that she would rather eat her own kidney with a spoon than work with Kerry. Meow!  

If for some reason you forgot that Kerry Katona was in fact a member of Atomic Kitten, here is a reminder. Please note that she doesn't actually sing, but rather speaks the words. (A bit like Lily Allen.)

Katie prepares to strut her stuff!

Strictly come raunchy?

Breaking news! Ok, not breaking but news that will make you scoff, laugh out loud or spit out whatever you’re currently eating. Ready? It has emerged that Katie Price and her fella Leandro Penna are set to appear in the Argentinean version of Strictly Come Dancing! Yes, you heard that right, Katie will be squeezing herself in a tight, sparkly costume, with loads of make-up on and will be prancing around for all to see- so no change there then! The couple, who have one of those annoying on again, off again relationships will appear on the show called Bailando Por Un Sueno. During a webcam interview with the channel that airs the show, Katie (known to us as Jordan) was asked if she would like to dance with her Argentinean toyboy, to which she replied (in Spanish) ‘Si Si Si!’ Her model boyfriend then added ‘The truth is she's very jealous and won't let me dance with anyone unless it's her. It seems I'm going to have to bring her to Argentina. She'll dance with me’. Erm, not sure how the professional dancers will take that love. 

Obviously, Jordan hasn’t learnt her lesson and is defying the public demand for her NOT to collaborate with her men. Clearly she has forgotten her cringe worthy duet with then hubby Peter André; unfortunately, we haven’t. (A whole new world anyone?)

Still, the reality show should be right up Katie’s street as it has a reputation for being very racy. In the past, contestants have delivered some raunchy performances including one couple who danced stark naked! And with ex Baywatch pin-up Pamela Anderson a former star, this should be right up Katie’s street!

Secret lovers?

A secret affair between Simon Cowell and Dannii Minogue has been revealed in an unauthorized book about the music mogul. Coming less than two weeks after Dannii confirmed her split with boyfriend Kris Smith, the explosive book tells of Simon's love of former X Factor colleague Dannii; he’s quoted as saying ‘I had a crush on her. It was Dannii's hair, the sexy clothes and the t**s. I was like a schoolboy. She was foxy. She was a real man's girl. Very feminine.'

 

The short-lived affair, which allegedly took place in 2007, was apparently one of the reasons Sharon Osbourne had hated Dannii so much and could explain the visible rift between the then X Factor judges.  Ooh-er! And it appears that the fling was well and truly over by the time Cheryl Cole joined the panel, for she had took pride of place next to Simon, a seat Dannii formerly occupied.

This is all well and good, but what I wanna know is, what about Louis Walsh? Who’s he having an affair with? Now that would be a story!

With legions of screaming teenage girls following them around the globe in Beatle mania-like hysteria, it seems that One Direction have well and truly made it. And if ever the handsome boy band had any doubts over their level of fame, then a certain eBay auction will disperse all fears. Let me elaborate.

Fancy a bite? It'll cost ya!

In my last post, I spoke about how Niall had spat out a piece of toast that was spread with Vegemite (Aussie version of marmite) on an Australian daytime TV show. Somehow, some sly so and so at the studio saw an opportunity to make some dosh, and the discarded toast (not the one regurgitated, but the piece of toast he took a bite of) was promptly put on eBay. 

But here’s the crazy thing, this said piece of toast has reached bids of over $100,000! (£65,000). One hundred thousand dollars??? Wow! These boys really have hit the big time!  All I can say is that these bonkers individuals have got money to burn! I’ve got some banana peel in my bin if anyone’s interested? No? Okay.  To prove how much the boys fame has rocketed, let’s take a look at some other famous auctions containing celebrities used crap: 

1. Britney Spears’ chewing gum. Disgusting I know, but some weird person actually brought Brit’s discarded gum for £164 back in 2004.
2. Scarlett Johansson’s used tissue. Perhaps even more gross than Brit’s minty money-earner (if that's at all possible!). Scarlett’s tissue fetched £3,320 on eBay. The money went to charity, but that still doesn’t excuse the frowziness.
3. Justin Bieber’s hair. What’s up with these teenage heartthrobs? Before toastgate, came the ludicrous money spent on Justin’s lock of hair when he finally gave that stupid barnet a trim. A stupid woman brought the said hair for £25,000.  -_-
4. Justin Timberlake’s French toast. After taking one bite of the French toast made for him, one cunning individual sold the hardly eaten toast, along with the fork and plate used and made a tidy profit of £1,970. Nice one.

So there you have it. Remember kids, there’s no need to get a job. Just stalk a high profile celebrity, wait for them to discard something gross, pop it on eBay and Bobs your uncle! Ker-ching!