Oh my god, The X Factor is a fix! No sh*t Sherlock!

What the hell did you expect? After loads of speculation that the reality show’s star is fading and that viewing figures have dramatically dropped since last year, it’s to be expected that producers would have to pull out the stops for the first live shows of this year. And with stiff competition from BBC rivals Strictly Come Dancing, who’ve secured big name stars this year including 2 Olympians, a bit of controversy is just what the doctor ordered! 

Let’s just skip the actual singing part (which was really boring and full of naff, predictable and cliché song choices) and get right down to the vote off. In the bottom two were Rylan Clark, whose remixed rendition of Spandau Ballet’s ‘Gold’ was actually quite entertaining and Carolynne Poole, who apparently did a country version of Nicki Minaj’s 'Starships'- but I missed this because I went to make a cup of tea. Now, unless you’ve been on another planet (or you just don’t watch The X Factor) you’ll know that Rylan has been receiving a lot of stick over the fact he is still in the competition (because he can’t actually sing) and also that Carolynne is a perfectly good singer who just missed out on the live shows last year.

Judgement day: Rylan and Carolynne

 So bearing this and their final ‘sing-off’ performances in mind, when it came down to Louis, who had the deciding vote (and was also the judge who eliminated Carolynne from the competition the previous year), it should have been a straight forward bye-bye to Rylan, right? Wrong! Cue the drama and controversy:

• Louis ‘toing’ and ‘froing’ apparently facing the hardest decision of his life (even though he goes through this same sh*t every year
• Dermot shouting at Louis to hurry up and choos
• Nicole and Gary both urging Louis to save their acts
• Tulisa hounding Louis to just pick one while Louis pulls his hair out in anguis
• A silent, unknown figure crouching down to have a quiet word in Louis ear
• Louis then saving Carolynne, but immediately changing his mind and taking it to deadlock
• The gasps of horror when Dermot reveals that it was in fact Carolynne who got the lowest number of votes and will be going home
• The boos from the crowd as a shocked Rylan hugs a distraught Carolynne
• An outraged Gary storming off stage

My oh my! You see, it’s not me making it exciting, this actually happened and that is EXACTLY what the producers wanted. All last night and throughout the day, it wasn’t strictly that everyone was tweeting about, it was The X Factor. Everyone was declaring- it’s The Fix Factor! And they are probably right.  Don’t you see people, the x factor is no longer just a singing competition, it’s an entertainment show. It relies on outlandish characters, controversies, name-changes, romances and scandal to keep it alive. No longer are the days when raw singing talent are enough to satiate the ever demanding audiences- that’s what The Voice is for, and look how that compared. We must learn to accept that the X Factor has lost its sparkle and is in reality Eastenders with music and make-over’s. So let’s stop debating, stop arguing, stop voting (coz you’re wasting your time and money) and sit back and enjoy the ride, or as they like to say; the ‘emotional rollercoaster’.

Who would you have saved? Take a look at their performances below:

Katie prepares to strut her stuff!

Strictly come raunchy?

Breaking news! Ok, not breaking but news that will make you scoff, laugh out loud or spit out whatever you’re currently eating. Ready? It has emerged that Katie Price and her fella Leandro Penna are set to appear in the Argentinean version of Strictly Come Dancing! Yes, you heard that right, Katie will be squeezing herself in a tight, sparkly costume, with loads of make-up on and will be prancing around for all to see- so no change there then! The couple, who have one of those annoying on again, off again relationships will appear on the show called Bailando Por Un Sueno. During a webcam interview with the channel that airs the show, Katie (known to us as Jordan) was asked if she would like to dance with her Argentinean toyboy, to which she replied (in Spanish) ‘Si Si Si!’ Her model boyfriend then added ‘The truth is she's very jealous and won't let me dance with anyone unless it's her. It seems I'm going to have to bring her to Argentina. She'll dance with me’. Erm, not sure how the professional dancers will take that love. 

Obviously, Jordan hasn’t learnt her lesson and is defying the public demand for her NOT to collaborate with her men. Clearly she has forgotten her cringe worthy duet with then hubby Peter André; unfortunately, we haven’t. (A whole new world anyone?)

Still, the reality show should be right up Katie’s street as it has a reputation for being very racy. In the past, contestants have delivered some raunchy performances including one couple who danced stark naked! And with ex Baywatch pin-up Pamela Anderson a former star, this should be right up Katie’s street!

Secret lovers?

A secret affair between Simon Cowell and Dannii Minogue has been revealed in an unauthorized book about the music mogul. Coming less than two weeks after Dannii confirmed her split with boyfriend Kris Smith, the explosive book tells of Simon's love of former X Factor colleague Dannii; he’s quoted as saying ‘I had a crush on her. It was Dannii's hair, the sexy clothes and the t**s. I was like a schoolboy. She was foxy. She was a real man's girl. Very feminine.'

 

The short-lived affair, which allegedly took place in 2007, was apparently one of the reasons Sharon Osbourne had hated Dannii so much and could explain the visible rift between the then X Factor judges.  Ooh-er! And it appears that the fling was well and truly over by the time Cheryl Cole joined the panel, for she had took pride of place next to Simon, a seat Dannii formerly occupied.

This is all well and good, but what I wanna know is, what about Louis Walsh? Who’s he having an affair with? Now that would be a story!

With legions of screaming teenage girls following them around the globe in Beatle mania-like hysteria, it seems that One Direction have well and truly made it. And if ever the handsome boy band had any doubts over their level of fame, then a certain eBay auction will disperse all fears. Let me elaborate.

Fancy a bite? It'll cost ya!

In my last post, I spoke about how Niall had spat out a piece of toast that was spread with Vegemite (Aussie version of marmite) on an Australian daytime TV show. Somehow, some sly so and so at the studio saw an opportunity to make some dosh, and the discarded toast (not the one regurgitated, but the piece of toast he took a bite of) was promptly put on eBay. 

But here’s the crazy thing, this said piece of toast has reached bids of over $100,000! (£65,000). One hundred thousand dollars??? Wow! These boys really have hit the big time!  All I can say is that these bonkers individuals have got money to burn! I’ve got some banana peel in my bin if anyone’s interested? No? Okay.  To prove how much the boys fame has rocketed, let’s take a look at some other famous auctions containing celebrities used crap: 

1. Britney Spears’ chewing gum. Disgusting I know, but some weird person actually brought Brit’s discarded gum for £164 back in 2004.
2. Scarlett Johansson’s used tissue. Perhaps even more gross than Brit’s minty money-earner (if that's at all possible!). Scarlett’s tissue fetched £3,320 on eBay. The money went to charity, but that still doesn’t excuse the frowziness.
3. Justin Bieber’s hair. What’s up with these teenage heartthrobs? Before toastgate, came the ludicrous money spent on Justin’s lock of hair when he finally gave that stupid barnet a trim. A stupid woman brought the said hair for £25,000.  -_-
4. Justin Timberlake’s French toast. After taking one bite of the French toast made for him, one cunning individual sold the hardly eaten toast, along with the fork and plate used and made a tidy profit of £1,970. Nice one.

So there you have it. Remember kids, there’s no need to get a job. Just stalk a high profile celebrity, wait for them to discard something gross, pop it on eBay and Bobs your uncle! Ker-ching!