Hate to say I told you so!

A woman scorned

Ok, so I didn’t tell her, but I knew it would happen! Allegations have emerged that footballer Jermain Defoe has cheated on girlfriend Alexandra Burke. And if these allegations are true, I can’t say I’m  entirely surprised. After all, Jermain Defoe doesn’t exactly have a good track record with commitment does he? The lothario is more famous for showing off his ball skills in the bedroom rather than the pitch and has somehow manage to lure such intellectual beauties such as Charlotte Mears (Google her if you don’t know), Danielle Lloyd and everyone’s favourite home-wrecker; Imogen Thomas. 

To be honest, I was rather surprised when I heard he was going out with Alexandra, after all she does have talent and a proper career as opposed to his previous conquests. I thought perhaps things may be different this time as Alex may have been able to provide Jermaine with some stimulating conversation to keep him engaged for more than five minutes. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be! One flash of skirt and a whiff of cheap perfume and he’s off like a dog chasing a bone! Sorry Alex, it looks like your gonna have to change your taste in men, because this is what happens when you go with a bad boy!

Third time lucky for Katie?

Who’s gonna take Katie up the aisle? Well it seems like Leandro Penna is the man for the job as he’s only gone and proposed to girlfriend Katie Price! The glamour model, who last year claimed she’ll never marry again after the breakdown of her second marriage, has seemingly changed her mind and accepted her Argentinean toy boy’s proposal. This will make Leandro Katie’s third husband as she was formerly wed to ‘singer’ Peter Andre and ‘cagefighter’ Alex Reid. I’m sure Katie’s really excited to get wed again, but surely she can’t top her fairytale, gypsy-like wedding to Pete? Or even be able to emulate the romance of eloping to Las Vegas to marry Alex.

 She should justbe done with it and have a quickie in Gretna Green registry offices followed by a slap-up meal at Toby Carvery. At least their first dance will be great as the couple is set to appear on Argentina’s version of Strictly Come Dancing. Just one thing Katie, you’ve got that small matter of divorcing Alex first!

Also this week:

• Delusion alert! Ever since her suspension from TOWIE last week, Lauren Goodger has been lying low. But behind closed doors it’s emerged that Lauren has been counting column inches as- get this- she believes that she is as famous as Jordan or even Cheryl Cole! Wow, looks like that TOWIE fame has gone to her head. Maybe a break from the show will do her good!
• The claws are out! Apparently Beyoncé does not approve of Kanye West’s relationship with reality star Kim Kardashian. The ‘Love on top’singer is allegedly unimpressed by Kim’s sex-tape past and dalliances with other men. The conservative star, who is married to Jay-Z, has told in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t want Kim hanging around in her exclusive circle! Well, it looks like Kim has got some even better mates as only last week, she was having dinner with the president!
• Hold the front page- Jessica Simpson has finally given birth! After what seems to have been forever, the singer revealed on her website that she has given birth to a girl called Maxwell Drew Johnson. The baby weighed an enormous 9lb, 13oz- no wonder jess looked as big as a house! Nonetheless, congratulations Eric and Jessica!
• Cat fight! Jenny Frost has let slip that any potential Atomic Kitten reunions will take place without Kerry Katona. Jenny, who replaced Kerry in the band in 2001, has said ‘I don't want to be derogatory about Kerry, but there shouldn't be four of us in Atomic Kitten’. This remark is a far cry from what she said about Kerry a few years back, stating that she would rather eat her own kidney with a spoon than work with Kerry. Meow!  

If for some reason you forgot that Kerry Katona was in fact a member of Atomic Kitten, here is a reminder. Please note that she doesn't actually sing, but rather speaks the words. (A bit like Lily Allen.)

Those pesky celebs!

So I stop blogging for a couple of weeks and what happens? Those pesky celebs cause so much drama and controversy I’ve got more juicy showbiz gossip than I can shake a stick at! So much has happened in celebville over the last couple of weeks that I’ve had to categorise the gossip and condense them into bite size (ish) chunks! So here it goes…

Feuds. 

Family feud: Tulisa and Dappy

• Celebs love nothing better than getting into a good old Twitter scrap, no more so it seems than Tulisa. The X Factor beauty has had a massive row with cousin and (what is now revealed) former N Dubz band mate Dappy. Laying into Dappy, who has a penchant for wearing stupid hats and saying 'na na naii’, Tulisa let rip after the rapper retweeted messages from fans who were trying to appeal to Tulisa to reach out to her band mate. Obviously enraged at being portrayed as the bad guy, Tulisa tweeted a string of messages to Dappy in which she apparently confirmed N Dubz split (I’m not going to try and translate what she says, work it out for yourselves!): 

@TheDappy u know my number mate..I dont know urs cus u aint gave it 2 me since u changed it... so dont gass the fans, u wana talk Im here."
"@TheDappy serious man I hold it down, dont make me start talkin real cus u won't like it nor will the fans, allow twitter,man up n call me.
"4 the ndubletts triena take sides... pls remember... dappy left ndubz, that's y we split, n wen he wanted 2 get away I tried 2 move him... In2 my yard."
"He left n got a new num n I aint heard from him since, he aint called or made contact, just tlks 2 the press about me. Sayin he misses me but where the hells my call, I don't even have his num! had 2 txt me dad 2 pass a message 2 him n got no reply."

She finished her rant by urging Dappy to call her and scolding herself for rowing so publicly. Over to you Dappy…

• Another Twitter row has also erupted (getting a bit boring now, isn’t it) this time between The Wanted’s Tom and TOWIE’s Mario. It all started when Lydia posted a pic of her and her mum reading a magazine in which they gave an interview. For some reason, Tom decided to have a pop and said ‘How ironic is that picture? Is that what you lot call yourselves these days for doing nothing!! #shocking.' This caused an outraged Mario to let rip, with Tom fighting back. I can’t be bothered to go into all the tweets (as there are so many) but basically Mario got labeled a 2^nd class Mark Wright whilst Tom was branded the ugly one in the band and just a backing singer to Max (the bald one in the group who is apparently the ‘fittest’). Can I just say that all these tweets seem to be true, so what’s the beef? Lydia, Lucy and Debbie waded in too but no one really cares.

Where's the love Cheryl?

• Celebrity dispute veteran Cheryl Cole has been ruffling the feathers of former X Factor mentee (is that a word?) Alexandra Burke. The 'Hallelujah’ singer has revealed that Cheryl has practically ignored her for the past year, failing to return the singers texts and calls.  This echoes claims from Cher Lloyd, who also confessed that the Geordie lass isn’t handy with the telephone and has failed to keep in touch with her either. Alex revealed this after Cheryl tweeted her out of the blue saying how hot she was in her latest video. Sounds like Chezza need to work on her people skills…                                                                                                                                                                         
• The Bachelor ‘winner’ Carianne (you know, the one with the voice that makes you want to kill yourself- or her) has slagged off ex ‘boyfriend’ Gavin Henson, branding him boring! She also stated that he tricked her and the whole relationship was fake. No s**t Sherlock! After watching that show religiously, we all knew that Gavin was as dull as Roy Cropper off Corrie and that it was probably more fun having a convo with a brick wall! You knew the score Carianne. Win the show, pretend to be interested for a while, make some money and then done! We all knew it was coming love, so stop kidding yourself!

Romance

• Love is in the air again for Mr. Lover Lover Jermaine Defoe. But clearly the footballer has had a recent bump to his head because instead of going for his normal glamour model/ reality star/ vacuous blonde type- he’s actually hooked up with someone who has a talent and isn’t a fame hungry airhead.  Step forward Alexandra Burke! Yes, Alex clearly pays attention to her song lyrics when she sang she wanted a ‘Bad Boy’. I guess dreams do come true! Although judging by Defoe’s track record with women, it’ll probably be more like a nightmare! Good luck with that one Alex!

• Another couple setting tongues wagging are pop stars Jessie J and Tinie Tempah. The two stars of British music have apparently been seeing each over for a few weeks and seem smitten, with openly bisexual Jessie spending a lot of time at his house. This romance, however unlikely, seems rather cute and fans no doubt are probably wondering if they’ll collaborate in the studio as well as the bedroom. It’ll bring music to their ears! (literally)

Babies

• A massive congratulations to The Saturday’s singer Una Healy who gave birth to baby girl Aoife Belle Foden last week! All the Saturday's girls were really excited and tweeted messages of excitement. Rochelle was recently seen with fiancé Marvin (lucky cow) going to visit baby Aoife and Una, who celebrated her first Mother's Day on Sunday. All together now- aaaww!!!                                                                                                                       

Ready to pop: Jessica Simpson

•  Breaking news- Jessica Simpson is STILL pregnant! She seems to have been carrying that bump around for about 17 years! Perhaps she had the baby ages ago but loved being preggers so much she walks around with a cushion stuffed up her top? Nonetheless, the singer (does she still sing?) looks like she’s about to give birth to a horse let alone a baby, so here’s wishing her a happy and safe birth whenever it is (hopefully sometime in the next decade).                                                                     
                                                                                                                          
  

Is that a nappy your'e waring Kris?

• Ok, so she may not be pregnant, but that doesn’t stop Kris Jenner from showing off her baby bump! The limelight hogging ‘momager’ decided that to celebrate son Rob turning 25, she’d post on her blog a picture of herself pregnant with Rob, in a style similar to that of Demi Moore (albeit years before). Yep. That’s what every 25-year-old guy wants to see. A picture of their mum, starkers (apart from a pair of white pants that looks like a nappy) with a huge bump that contains you as a foetus! Happy birthday Rob!

Other celeb news I can’t be bothered to categorise

•  Simon Cowell has threatened to axe the X Factor if this year’s series isn’t a complete success. This may very well be true what with the controversies surrounding the last series, but Mr. Cowell, isn’t this a convenient time to let this slip? A week before your other show Britain’s Got Talent is set to take on The Voice in the ratings war? I smell a rat!

• A sex tape has been leaked allegedly featuring Tulisa doing a naughty sex act, gasp! If this is true, then the former N Dubz singer is very stupid and may have ruined her X Factor career- unless Simon axes it first of course. Don’t these people ever learn? If you’re going to have sex, just don’t film it! Because as much as you love the person involved at the time, when you get rich and famous, they are only going to betray you and sell the tape! Unless of course, it’s your dream to be the new Paris or Kim… And following her row with Dappy, he responded to the sex tape news by tweeting 'Man this sex video fing is a bit rough! I knew Tulisa weren't talkin to me, but not cos she had her mouf full!!' Hmmm, don't know if that helps Dappy, but it's the thought that counts...

George in handcuffs? I'm not saying a word!

• Both Russell Brand and George Clooney have been arrested in non-related incidents. Whilst George was making people’s hearts melt by protesting outside the Sudanese  embassy about Syrian human rights abuse, Russell meanwhile grabbed a photographer’s phone and lobbed it through a law firm’s window! Tut tut!                                                                                              

• And finally 90’s band Steps recently performed at GAY, with Claire saying she doesn’t mind being the big girl in the band. The size 16 singer, who is happy with her size, doesn’t seem fazed that Lisa 'desperado' Scott-Lee is trying to be the hot one, despite everyone knowing that it was Faye that all the boys fancied. Even if she is bothered, she can always console herself with cake. And that’s not me being spiteful; Claire is actually hosting Lorraine’s Cake Club which aims to find Britain’s best cake. I think I’ll stop right here. As a treat for you, here's Steps doing what they do best: