Scouse Spice anyone?

You know that situation where an old clingy friend keeps inviting you for a ‘catch-up’ even though it’s the last thing you want to do? Well that’s probably how Victoria Beckham feels about the rumoured Spice Girls reunion. After looking more awkward than Caroline Flack at a One Direction concert at last week’s premiere for the Viva Forever musical, Victoria probably can't wait to say goodbyeeee myyyy frieeend to the rest of the girls- you see what I did there!

Anyways, lucky for her the rest of the Spice Girls have seemingly got the message and have apparently pushed ahead for a new album and tour without the moody one sulking in the corner. 

But, instead of reforming as a four piece a la Take That, it seems that they want to replace Victoria all together and either hold auditions in a televised talent search or simply replace her with someone already in the industry. What?! Don’t they remember Hearsay’s disastrous attempt to continue with some bloke called Johnny Shentall after Michelle from Corrie left?

As if the idea isn’t bonkers enough already, the word on the grapevine is that Sugababes star Heidi Range has been scouted as a possible replacement for Posh! Say whaaat!

Now I’m sure Heidi is a nice girl and all, but if she does this she’ll just be known as the girl who replaces people in bands, having formerly left Atomic Kitten to be in the Sugababes after the eternally scowling Mutya Buena left. And what will she be known as if this ludicrous idea does go ahead? Scouse spice? Replacement spice? They couldn’t get Johnny Shentall, so they got me instead spice?

And what will become of the Sugababes if she leaves? They’ve already had more line-up changes than Taylor Swift’s had boyfriends (ok, not quite!). They’ll probably end up where all the other forgotten pop stars go- to the I’m a celebrity...get me out of here jungle of course! Limahl anyone?

Look, the solution is simple. If the Spice Girls really want to carry on milking, I mean performing as a band then all they have to do is get a cardboard cut-out of Posh and plonk her on the stage. After all, she barely sings and dances as it is so no one will tell the difference- problem solved!