The BRITS are the PITS!

Watching the BRIT Awards last week, I can only draw one conclusion: it’s the pits!

Long gone are the days where the awards were a wild drunken affair where pop stars and rock stars alike really let their hair down and actually had a GOOD TIME! Last week’s awards ceremony seemed drab, boring and far too sensible. 

It’s quite obvious that the producers wanted everything to be perfect and after last year’s ‘Adele-gate’ where host James Cordon cut off the star halfway through her acceptance speech, it’s clear that they were trying too hard. So hard in fact that they did the final acceptance speech BEFORE the ad break, so the closing act (this year Emeli Sande- yes, her AGAIN!), would have the whole of the final section to perform. However, in their desperate attempt to stay on the right side of PC, the makers of the BRITS has lost the whole essence of the show and misplaced that certain something that has previously made the BRITS one of the most anticipated events in British music.

 What happened to the days of yesteryear when Britpop giants Oasis and Blur went head-to-head or where a drunken Jarvis Cocker attempted to ruin Michael Jackson’s performance or Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood presented a shambolic show where auto cues and microphones proved to be catalysts for disaster? Yes, these are eyebrow-raising events but they are MEMORABLE events that will go down in the BRIT awards HISTORY! What did we have to remember from this year? One Direction proving that they have amazing talent... at murdering two songs in one go! Or what about those good but safe performances by Mumford and Sons, Ben Howard and even Justin Timberlake. All great artists, but seriously- YAWN!!  The most exciting thing part was when Taylor Swift ripped off her wedding dress and revealed a sexy black outfit underneath whilst performing her really catchy tune I knew you were trouble. This moved was no doubt to show ex boyfriend/song inspiration Harry Styles what he’s missing. 

 

But seriously, if the BRITS don’t want to go down the same way as the MOBO’S (I mean, who still watches that?) then they have to pull their dull, grey socks up! Loosen up and let the BRITS be the fun, unpredictable night it once was. Let it not all be about the ‘suits’ making stupid ‘executive decisions’ but allow it to be about the MUSIC and the all important FANS. Otherwise it’ll be all over as fast as you can say “ratings flop”- I kid you not!

Whereeeee haaaave yooouu beeeen?!

Whereeeee haaaave yooouu beeeen?!, I here you ask? Well excuse me! I have a job I have to work; I can’t just sit around all day writing about celebrities! Although, that’s EXACTLY what I want to do for a living, if you haven’t gathered. Anyway, I’m here now, so what have I missed? Well loads as it happens, I hardly know where to begin!! Well how about I break it down:

Love is in the air

Where's your hand Russell?

• Well of all the ‘WTF’ moments, this really took the biscuit! I’m talking about Russell Brand hooking up with none other than Geri Halliwell! Now this is a pairing that I do not get. I heard that they hit it off at the Olympic closing ceremony, where they both performed, and bonded over a mutual love and sandwiches and books. Now, I know that Russell loves to spice up his sex life, but I wasn’t expecting this!

• Apparently everybody’s favourite ‘I’m angry that my ex dumped me so I’m gonna write a song about what a heart-breaking b*****d he is’ singer Adele has married her lover Simon Konecki in secret. The ‘Someone like you singer’ who is due to give birth in October apparently wed her fiancé sometime last week and according to a source it was a ‘fabulous occasion.’ Well, whether reports are true or not, I wish them every happiness.

'This way Ashley, er  I mean Tre!'

• Chezza’s got a new man! Ok, so that’s all the excitement I can muster with this story, but it seems that Cheryl Cole has well and truly replaced Ashley by hooking up with a hot American dancer- nice one. The pair have actually been seeing each other for a few months and apparently its love. Ashley even popped around for a cuppa and offered the pair his congratulations before joining Cheryl’s fella Tre Holloway in a hearty game of croquet. Ok, I made that last bit up, but one can dream.

• She’s done it! Ok, not quite at the altar, but Jennifer Aniston has got engaged. The Hollywood actress, who has starred in legendary films such as ‘Along came Polly’ and ‘Marley and me’ has accepted boyfriend Justin Theroux’s proposal on his 41^st birthday. Looks like Jen has finally found her lobster! And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then just leave! Go on, get off my blog!!

So so so scandalous!

You think I'm posting the real pic so I get sued? I think not!

• Last week the world was rocked by a royal scandal. No, not that the Duchess of Cambridge has worn the same dress again (seriously guys, get over it!), but that Prince Harry has been flashing his crown jewels in a Las Vegas hotel room! Now for some, this is just a normal Friday night, but for a member of the royal family, it’s a bit frowned upon. According to reports, the Prince was having some fun splashing around in the pool with Olympic swimming champion Ryan Lochte (as you do) whilst on his hols. He later then invited a bevy of bikini-clad beauties to join him in a game of strip billiards. Well, to cut a long story short, he wasn’t very good and ended up parading around starkers with a lady friend. And because Hazza was amongst close friends whom he has known for years and can trust (ahem), a picture was taken and ended up in the papers! Now how did that happen?

• David Beckham and Katherine Jenkins. Now there’s two people you wouldn’t normally put together, but somehow they’ve been accused of having an affair.  But in a strange move, Katherine added fuel to the fire by angrily denying the affair on Twitter instead of ignoring the false accusations. She tweeted ‘I’ve read some horrible rumours on here & want u 2 know I absolutely deny I’ve had an affair with David Beckham.’ ‘The rumours are very hurtful, untrue & my lawyers tell me actionable.’ Okay Kath, I believe you, but I’m not sure I believe Lily Cooper who decided to pipe up with her own defensive tweets: ‘I’m really upset at the hurtful rumours going round about me having an affair with Jay Z. My lawyers tell me they are actionable.’

• Lindsay Lohan has been accused and now cleared of stealing jewellery from a Hollywood house party. The ‘actress’ who was found guilty for stealing a necklace in February, was apparently...WAIT A MINUTE! I’m gonna stop right here. This is no scandal; this is just a day in the life of the train-wreck that is Li-Lo. Someone seriously needs to hurry up and make a Mean Girls 2 before her life really goes to hell. Enough said.

Oh Em Gee!

Yes, she actually left her house like this!

• The claws are out for Jasmine Lennard and Kerry Katona! The ‘model’, who played with Simon Cowell’s naughty bits for 6 months, has lashed out at Katona after she said that Jasmine needed psychiatric help in her magazine column. Kezza stated ‘I was hoping Jasmine Lennard would stay in the house because she is so controversial. 'I can't believe they apparently had to hide knives from her – she clearly needs psychological help!' This didn’t go down well with Jasmine, the first to be evicted from this year’s Celebrity Big Brother, who released her inner bitch (wait, her bitch is out and proud!) by blasting the former Atomic Kitten star on Twitter, she tweeted: ‘HA HA HA...YOU...think I need help. Well...i think YOU need to start using contraception get over @BrianMcFadden stop taking...’ ‘Cocaine,lose a few pounds&start focusing on your children not boyfriends.I think your vile.#peasant’. Well, that sure told Kerry! But Jas do us a favour and assess your own life first- and eat some pies while you’re at it!

• Cheryl Cole and Will.I.Am were involved in a car crash last night! But fear not my darling readers, it was a minor accident. Chezza and Will were driving back from a late night studio session, and it seemed that Will demonstrated his awesome driving skills by crashing into a parked car- not so dope. Whilst Will’s airbag inflated in his face and caused a nose bleed, Cheryl’s airbag failed to inflate and so she slammed head-first into the dashboard causing bleeding and minor bruising. Thankfully the pair, who have collaborated on ‘Heartbreaker’ and 3 words’, were ok, and both took to their Twitter pages to reassure their fans. Maybe, this is the earth’s way of telling the Black Eye Peas star to get rid of that stupid haircut!- maybe.

That’s all for now folks! ;)

Jodie marsh and Kirk Norcross dating? WTF!

The happy couple: Kirk and Jodie

Yes, that’s the headline I gave this because quite frankly that’s exactly what I thought! Ex TOWIE star Kirk Norcross and glamour girl come body builder Jodie Marsh has apparently been dating and seem smitten with each other. What on earth possessed these two to get together?? Perhaps they were attracted to each other through their shared love of tattoos? Or their passion for hometown Essex? Maybe they chatted about appearing on Celebrity Big Brother?  Or is it that they bonded by swapping notes about their nose surgery?

Whatever brought them together, it does seem like an odd pairing. Mind you, anyone that Jodie dates does seem like an odd choice. Remember Kenzie from Blazin’ Squad? (I’ll give you a second to recall)

(And now I’ll give you another second to remember their ‘hit’ song... you know what it is... ‘see you at the crossroads crossroads crossroads’...there you go!)

Groping on the first date? How romantic!

Apparently even though the reality ‘stars’ have only been dating for about a week, they’ve been very open about their relationship from the beginning, even live tweeting throughout their first date! How romantic! During the evening in which Kirk splashed out and treated Jodie to a DVD on the sofa, the two kept their followers in the loop by tweeting and posting pictures. 

Jodie tweeted: ‘Right nobody disturb us. Me and @kirk_official are having a spooning session on the sofa with a film. We're too tired to go out.'

Meanwhile Kirk posted a similar message: ‘Having a spooning session with @JodieMarsh watching a film! #MmmmNice did someone say #50ShadesOfKirk ;-).'

Jodie also took the opportunity to reveal that she had seen her new man naked, although she did later insist that they had not slept together as she has been celibate for a year, she tweeted ‘Had the funniest day ever. Seen @kirk_official stark naked today. What a treat that was ‪#hunglikeadonkey x x x’ How sweet.

Looks like Jodie has found the Mr. Grey to her Miss Steele. I give it 3 months.

In other celebrity news:

• There’s another baby boom in celebville. Kourtney Kardashian has given birth to her first daughter Penelope Scotland Disick. Congratulations Kourtney, Scot and little Mason! 
• Adele and Lily Allen have also announced that their preggers. Adele is expecting her first child with boyfriend Simon Konecki (apparently she’s due in 2 months- wtf!) and Lily Allen is expecting her second child with husband Sam Cooper less than a year after having baby Ethel (hopefully she’ll think of a better name this time round!)
• Chantelle Houghton and Alex Reid are still yet to name their daughter who was born 3 weeks ago! Why don’t they just name her ‘Roxanne’ and be done with it, you know they want to!
• Nick Grimshaw is set to replace Chris Moyles as host of Radio 1’s breakfast show and I’m not happy! Not because I dislike 'Grimmers', it’s because Chris will now start thinking that he can continue to move into television. Er, no thanks! Haven’t you heard of the phrase ‘face for radio?’
• Kris and Bruce Jenner’s marriage appears to be on the rocks as it has emerged that Kris has been in contact with the man who helped end her first marriage. Kris had an affair with Todd Waterman over 20 years ago whilst she was still married to Robert Kardashian (the older, now deceased one not her son!), and the pair have recently been in touch via flirty emails and texts. But now Bruce has found out and is now furious at his wife, and so he should be! Watch this space! 

And because I'm sooo nice, for those of you who still don't know who Blazin' Squad is (tut tut), here's their biggest hit Crossroads! I know, I know, I'm great...