That TOWIE lot, don’t you just love them. Not contented with being confined to Wednesday and Sunday nights on ITV2, some of them have now decided to branch out on their own. Being on the successful, BAFTA winning The Only way is Essex have led some cast members to believe that they can now make it big without the show that made them famous. They have somehow got it into their perfectly groomed heads that there is life beyond the Essex bubble. Let’s observe:
Exhibit 1: Mark Wright. Known to some as the ‘King of Essex’, the cheeky charmer thought that he would be ruling everywhere he went, so he went to Australia. In the I’m a Celebrity jungle he showed off those impressive pecs, flirted outrageously with some Aussie bird and struck up a bromance to rival the infamous ‘Marg’. All that hard work paid off as he came second in the show. So those clever people at ITV decided that this was enough to give him his own show presenting Take Me Out: The Gossip. Big mistake. For weeks now the Essex wide boy has been boring Britain with his bland presenting and vacant expressions. Reading an autocue does not make you a good presenter! If ITV has any sense, they’ll drop this show quicker than Russell Brand dropped his wife.
Exhibit 2: Amy Childs. The red headed bombshell was a hit on the show thanks to her ditzy antics in her glitzy salon with her itzy bitzy cousin. So she decided to fly the Essex nest and soar into the big wide world, well London actually. So off she trotted into the Celebrity Big Brother house and flirted and pouted her way to a not too shabby fourth place. And so the clever people at Channel 5 decided to grace her with her own fly-on-the- wall show called it’s all about Amy. Unsurprisingly the show has bombed and has been swiftly axed by show bosses. Apparently Amy driving to photo shoots and fussing about vajazzles in her salon doesn’t make interesting viewing- no s**t Sherlock!
Exhibit 3: Kirk Norcross. The night-club owner and notorious daddy’s boy made quite an impression on the ladies. I’m sure it was his remarkable personality and had nothing to do with his bulging bank balance. Away he left (or so he claims) to pursue pastures new, or in other words copying Amy by moving into Britain's most famous house (after the Queen’s of course). Here, he showed off his exceptional pulling skills (‘are your boobs real?’) and fantastic geographic knowledge (we all mix up Australia and South America from time to time), endearing him to a very large handful of viewers. And although he’s yet to be snapped up, rumours are that the very clever people at Channel 5 are looking to sign him up for The Bachelor. Oh. What. Joy.
And so as the new series kicks off, I’m sure there will be a new batch of superstars popping up on all our channels. Perhaps the recently axed Maria Fowler could present the Antiques Roadshow? Or maybe you’ll find Harry Derbridge, who’s also been dropped, joining the team on Eggheads? Only time will tell. In the meantime, let us relish at the recent news that Amy wants to appear on Dancing On Ice and that Mark is planning on ‘writing’ a dating book. However, I think it’s safe to say that Kirk won’t be appearing on Mastermind anytime soon.
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